I once heard someone in graduate school or at a training conference was generalize anxiety in a way I had not thought about before. The statement was: “The only way a person does not have anxiety, is that they are dead.” We all experience anxiety. Anxiety does help us in a lot of ways. Anxiety helps us to meet dead lines at work, to follow through on obligations, to be on time to appointments, pick up our kids from their activities on time, to complete our daily tasks in the best way that we can.
Anxiety, as we all know also has a lot of negative side effects upon our life. Anxiety can cause poor sleep, so we don’t get the rest we need, headaches stomach aches, panic attacks, increased heart rate, shallow breathing, muscle tension, etc.
I recall a time much earlier in my career when I was serving as a volunteer youth pastor at a small local church, I was working on writing, and directing a play by the youth at church to help raise money for a new van. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and focused intently on perfection. The reality was that the people attending, had much lower expectations and would have been happy with a few mistakes, missed lines, lighting problems, and microphone problems. When the play was over, and we raised more money than I expected, I went to a get together for dinner and to celebrate, but the cost of anxiety had taken its toll with a migraine headache and nausea. I had to leave early and missed out on the celebration of all my hard work.
Anxiety is a problem when we ignore or don’t effectively cope or manage our response to anxiety. There is hope and very effective skills for managing anxiety.
Physical: Taking time to do some deep breathing, breathing in slowly through the nose, holding it for just a second or two, and then slowly exhaling out the mouth. I like to teach my clients to tell themselves as they do this breathing exercise: “breathing in peace and relaxation, and exhaling stress and tension.” This helps to improve the level of oxygen in your blood flow, reduces the muscle tension, and helps to reduce headaches. This exercise gets the best results when it is used for about 10 to 20 minutes per day, most days of the week.. It is also best to sit in a comfortable chair, in an open position, by not crossing arms or legs, and closing your eyes in a quiet space that you feel safe in.
Anxiety is also manifest through our thinking process. Often times we focus on the worst that might happen. That fear of the worst happening can hold us back from pursing our goals or achievements. An example is fearing the failure of a test, then the physical symptoms set in, causing a person to feel ill, and then it is difficult to focus on the test, and test performance suffers. It can become a self fulfilling prophesy.
It is helpful to remind yourself of the truth, for example if the anxiety is about a test, that you are smart, and have studied, worked hard, and have done well on other assignments. It is also helpful to tell yourself positive realistic things like: “I can do this.” and “I am capable.” It is also helpful to prepare for a negative result with, “If I don’t pass the test, I can retake it. Now I know what to study more, to improve my performance.” My favorite is: “The world won’t end if I don’t pass this test.”
For more help managing anxiety contact me by phone at 208.271.9536, or by email using the contact form on the www.paytoncounselingservices.com website.
