Recently while on vacation with my family, one of my family members was talking about how they ask themselves “Will I do this or will I do that?” when facing a new or uncertain situation. This question was to help them prepare for how to react. This question got me to thinking, because that is what a therapist does on vacation…I suppose.
How often do we ask our selves the “Will I do this or that?” Especially when facing a highly anxiety producing situation. With all of the unrest taking place around us today, people often want to be able to react in the best way possible. As I thought about the question of “Will I?” I thought also of how I personally prepare for difficult and anxiety producing situations. As I thought about this, I heard that voice in my head saying something entirely different. I heard myself saying, “I will…” rather than “Will I?”
Which do you find yourself asking, “Will I?” or stating “I will…”?
The more I reflected upon this, when we tell ourselves “I will stay calm”, I will survive.”; I will explain.”; I will make myself clear and understood.”; I will stay.”; we are preparing ourselves for an action, rather than asking for a possibility. If we stop at “Will I?” we don’t yet have a plan, but a mere idea, which might not be enough for the situation you are facing.
Life is hard, of that there is no doubt. We face brand new situations every day. A year ago, who would have imagined facing a world wide pandemic in which we can’t do life like we normally do everyday, or that we would have to wear a mask everywhere we go?
If we have the opportunity to prepare ourselves for a change, or an anxiety producing situation, we can take that moment to tell ourselves , “When this event or situations happens, I will do this action.” Preparing ourselves in this way helps us to stay in our rational mind and helps us to react in a planned manner, rather than an emotional reaction. Emotional reactions are driven from the side of our brain that controls our fight or flight responses, emotional reactions and such. Those are all important functions that often help us to survive very intense events and situations, but can also get us into trouble and create a lot of problems in our relationships with others around us.
If you are facing a situation that is about to happen, and you know already that the situation or event, or people trigger strong emotions, take a moment to take a deep breath, and think about the best way to handle the situation, event or person. The “best way” meaning the way that best helps you to respect yourself, and others to respect you. Now consider what actions you need to take to do that. Once you have thought through this, you can now tell yourself your plan. Tell yourself, “When this happens, or “if this happens, then I will take this action.”
Test this out for yourself, and see how creating a plan works for you, and evaluate how it feels to just have a plan, regardless of using it or not, if you do use your plan, how did everything work out as opposed to the old emotional reaction you may have had in the past?
Not every plan works as planned either, so flexibility in adapting your plan may be needed. Give it a try and see if life gets a little easier for you.
